


Sexy Shenanigans

by CherryMilkshake



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 02:21:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1493128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryMilkshake/pseuds/CherryMilkshake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxy wants to get Tavros back into LARPing, but due to some bad experiences he doesn't want to talk about, he's reluctant to do a regular one.</p>
<p>So Roxy, being an awesome girlfriend, decides they're going to do a <i>sexy</i> LARP...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sexy Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Omoly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omoly/gifts).



> Based on the prompt: 
> 
> Tavros and Roxy are both huge dorks who love fantasy and romance. One day they decide to combine these two interests and embark on a sexy live action role playing adventure. Roxy plays the part of a wizard and Tavros pretends to be her fairy companion. Shenanigans ensue.

“C’mon, Tav, it’ll be fun!”

Tav bites his lip, rolling it under his hella crazy teeth. “I, uh, dunno. I, used to like LARPing, but, uh…”

“But this is a sexy LARP! No fighting, I promise. We won’t even have Strength or Magic or anything. We’re gonna have _sexy_ stats!”

“I, still dunno…”

“Please, just a one shot adventure? For me?”

“Uh…”

“How about for Ada and Lovelace?” You teasingly pull at your collar, flashing him a quick view of your super fine boobs, pink polka-dot bra and everything. You watch him swallow, his cute round nose flushing dark orange.

“W-well, I guess I wouldn’t want to, uh, disappoint _all_ those girls…” There’s that little grin you like so much.

“Awesome!”

\--

You spend the night working out the RP rules. You decide on the basic setting, then end up writing a dozen or so scenarios on notecards that you’ll draw from your wizard hat at the beginning. You’re kind of hoping you draw “the totes evil enemy wizard makes u super horny. you gotta find the antidote but u also have to do sexxxy things every 20 mins for at least 60 secs”.

Tav, who’s fixing up his Pupa Pan costume in the other room, keeps giving you a questioning look, but you just grin at him and go back to your GMing.

“Uh, did you want me to mod one of your, costumes?” he asks after awhile.

“Sure! Whichever one you want, babycakes!”

“That’s… not helpful. Which one?”

You look over your notecards. “The fairy one. I’ll be your guide slash companion slash fwb with rad magic skillz.”

Tavros makes a small, uncertain noise, and not for the first time you wish he was more forthcoming about That Relationship. The one that, when you ask about it, you get even more stammering than usual, and an answer that amounts to, “There was a girl. She’s the reason I was paralyzed through most of the game. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

And it’s _super_ frustrating for you. And you’ve told him time and again, that communication is super important (according to Rosie) and he shouldn’t be scared to tell you things, especially important things.

You’ve managed to glean from conversations with the other trolls, particularly Karkat, the basic details: the troll’s name was Vriska, she died but didn’t double die, she could mind control people, and Tavros was her favorite chew toy.

You know, despite the weaponry, you’re a pretty peaceful person. But thinking about that Vriska chick (she doesn’t have a face in your mental image, but you heard she was related to the crazy blue troll with the librarian glasses, so you kind of just make her look like a douchebag) makes your blood boil.

“Do you not want me to be the fairy, hon? I can be something else!”

A beat of silence. “...Actually, uh, if, you, could maybe be the, wizard… I-I’d really like that.”

“Rule 63 Wizardy Herbert it is, then.”

“You, don’t want to wear your binder?”

“Naw, we’re sexy LARPing. Gotta have the titties free!”

You see Tavros smile, his nose once again going chocolatey. “I, am certainly not, complaining about that.”

“Do you want to be Beatrix? Russet? Or do you want to stick to Pupa?”

“I could be, fairy Pupa maybe? If you want a fairy?”

“Ooh! That’d be awesome!” You immediately get another scenario idea. “suddenly!girl wizardy herbert goes to neverland but discovers that fairy dust makes her totes crazy horny”.

Most of your scenarios end the same way, but well, that’s the entire point.

\--

Tavros may not be the wizard (hehe) of a seamstress that Rosie’s girlfriend Kanaya is, but he makes up for it by being extremely earnest. The stitches might not be totally straight, but golly do they look authentic. He’s put a boob window in one of your Herbet polos. He left the collar and added a little pink button to it and it looks amazing and you will probably totally wear it just for fun later.

You stitch your favorite Mutie design onto your eyepatch and onto your gun holster. Hell yeah, cats and wizards. Best idea ever.

You both go to bed early, lulled by the _Peter Pan_ soundtrack, excited about your planned adventure.

(Tavros uses a sopor patch to sleep, and has to sleep on his back because of his epic hornage. This means he snores, which is totally cute and you can curl up on his broad chest like a friendly leopard and pretend his snoring is your purr-growling and sleeping with your boyfriend is the best. Lots of things are the best these days.

Except for Vriska. She can non-sexually eat a dick and have a terrible time.)

\--

The next day comes bright and early and you sort of wake up when Tavros chuckles and scoots you off his torso so he can get up and do morning things. He leans over to kiss you on the cheek and whacks his horn into the headboard and you have to keep pretending to be asleep so you don’t laugh.

He wanders away grumbling and you roll over to his side of the bed and snuggle his pillow. You’ll get up soon. Totally.

Yup.

Totally soon.

(You fall back asleep.)

You wake up again to the smell of fried egg sandwich, and to Tavros jiggling your foot.

“Come on, Roxy, you’ll want to eat before you, get dressed.”

Damn, that sandwich smells good. You roll over and open your mouth.

He chuckles. “That doesn’t work, remember? We, tried it with the grapes, and I had to, do the choking thing…”

“The Heimlich,” you tell him, sitting up. “But then we made out and that was awesome.” You take your sandwich.

“Yeah…” he says wistfully. He sits down on the bed next to you, drinking his orange juice. “So, are you ready, for today?”

“Hellz yeah.” You scarf down the rest of your delicious sandwich (he added a splash of hot sauce to the egg and made sure he cooked the yoke all the way through because the runny ones just make you think of snot and your boyfriend is _literally the best_. This is a thing that must be repeated like 50 bazillion times because sometimes you don’t quite believe he’s real.) “Tavros, fetch the wizard hat!”

He fetches the wizard hat. It is purple and sparkly and crinkles like a cat toy. (It actually is a cat toy.)

You’d put the cards in it last night, so you wiggle your fingers, preparing to draw. “Drumroll, please!”

Tavros drums on the footboard.

The card you draw iiiiiisssssss

_suddenly!girl wizardy herbert goes to neverland but discovers that fairy dust makes her totes crazy horny_

Yesssssss.

You show it to Tavros. “Yesssss?”

He grins. “Yes.”

“Do you want me to narrate?”

His eyes light up. “Yes!”

\--

You stand in your backyard slash woods slash you don’t know if it’s actually your property but _whatevs_.

Tavros is wearing his green Pupa outfit, accessorized with a pair of brown wings made out of some old pantyhose, and a fuckton of glitter. Excuse you, _fairy dust_.

You put your hands on your hips and begin in your best narrator voice. “Wizardy Herbert didn’t know what to expect from the weirdass portal, but he was so full of daring-doo and a boyish lack of perspective that he went in anyway. He fell down, down, down, and when he woke up, he discovered that something had changed.”

You look down at your chest and gasp in fake surprise. “Where the hell did these _fine_ girls come from?” You reach down into your jeans, and feign surprise at what you find. “Hopy shit, that’s new.”

“Are you lost?” Tavros says in a silly accent. You don’t miss the way he licks his lips as you slide your hand out of your pants, and smile to yourself.

“I guess I am. And I’m also a girl. And…” You run your hands over your hips and gasp. “And my Beretta is missing!” Actually it broke at Colcon.

“Oh no,” Tavros says reasonably. “Were you, not a girl before? Because you’re, a very pretty one.”

“Oh, thanks. You’re not half bad yourself. But I’m worried about my gun. What if something… dangerous appears?”

“Don’t worry. I know these woods. I’ll protect you.”

You pout, crossing your arms (and amping up your cleavage). “I can protect myself, thanks.”

“But, your weapon is missing, which is bad. So, until we find it, you should let me protect you.” He’s not much of an actor, but he’s so damn earnest that you just want to break character and squish his face.

“Weeeell, when you put it like that…” You relax. “Alright. I’m Herbert. I’m a wizard.” You hold out a hand to shake.

“I’m Pupa Pan.” He shakes back, leaving glitter on you.

You look at your hand. “What’s this?” you ask, showing him.

“That’s, fairy dust. ...Oh! If you, cover yourself in it, and believe really hard, you’ll be able to fly. ...I bet that would help find your gun.”

“Fly, you say? Hmmm…” You tap your chin. “Sounds good to me! Dust me.”

Tavros can’t resist his smile. “You’re probably, uh, gonna have to hug me for that. Unless… you want me to use my hand?”

You think about it. “We should beeee… scientific about this,” you answer, grinning. “Better use your hand and do one bit at a time.”

“As you wish.” He waggles his eyebrows, and you giggle at the reference.

He starts at the top of your head, running his big warm hand lightly down your cheek, then your neck and shoulder. You close your eyes, leaning into his touch. He goes down your arm, making sure to slide a little under your sleeve before going down to your fingers. Goosebumps prickle in his wake.

“Now the other side…” He does the same thing, just as gentle, just as slow, until both arms are tingling with the memory of his touch. “And the middle… That’s the most important. Gotta get, your heart.”

Both hands now, running over your collarbone up into the shirt sleeves from the other side, then down, cupping your breasts, running his thumb over where he knows very well your nips are. They stand up at attention, begging for more, but he denies them, moving down to your hips, dipping his fingers into the top of your jeans, tracing the tops of your hips.

The whole of you is silently screaming for more now. You notice absently that your mouth is open, drinking in the subtle earthy scent of him.

“Can’t forget your legs,” he rumbles. “They’re very important for flying.” His hands slide around under your jeans until they’re at your back, rubbing small circles on either side of your tailbone. “But, your pants are in the way.”

You open your eyes a little, “Can’t have that,” you say breathlessly. “Better take them off.”

He leans close as he moves his hands back to the front, popping the button and easing the zipper down. The jeans, already kind of too big, simply drop to the ground in a heap around your ankles.

He snickers at your boxers, cat print, a gift from Dave, as he kneels down to be at eye level with your crotch. Then he runs his glittery hands down your otherwise bare legs, making sure to reach up and grab your ass a bit, pulling your hips forward towards his face.

You can feel the growling purr start as much as hear it. It makes your _bones_ ache to be touched. Your brain helpfully throws some nice memories at you associated with that growl.

Tavros huge and warm against your back as his bulge does fucking beautiful things to your junk and his hands cup and tease at the ladies. The solid weight of your hands on his horns, holding you there.

Tavros’s fingertips, claws filed round, digging into your thighs as you straddle him, your hands on his chest, words gushing from your mouth without so much as touching your brain first.

Tavros as he smushes his face between your legs, completely inept and utterly adorable, laughing as you have to prop your thighs up on his handlebars to give him room to maneuver, discovering that pushing down on them produces that growl, and how fabulous it feels all up in your nethers.

If you could purr, hot damn, that’d be all you could do right now.

“Are you okay?” Tavros asks, still holding onto character. “You seem to be… leaking.” He runs his fingers over your clit through the boxers and you shiver, though you end up grinning back laughter as the sensation rocks through you.

You grab his horns, feeling the purry growl tremble through them. “I thought _I_ was the one who got horny from fairy dust?” you tease, breaking character a bit.

“Maybe I’m always horny.” Eyebrow waggle.

You laugh so hard that you end up draped over top him. You squeal as he stands up with you bent double over his head, your hips pressing into his nose. He reaches up and grabs your ass, kneading it soft-roughly as you laugh and gasp into his back.

“C-C’mon, Tav, I can’t stay up here all day,” you gasp as his fingers meander down and in between your legs. “You’re kind of cutting off the lower half of my lungs.”

“Alright,” he says, voice muffled.

Easily, he reaches back and grabs you under the arms, settling you onto his shoulders properly. You hold onto his horns as he buries his face fully into your crotch.

Even through the boxers, you’ve taught him well. His hands are on your ass, claws just sharp enough to prick in the best way as he presses your hips forward. You’re on the edge of coming when he stops, leaning back. “Could we, do something else?”

You take deep breaths, acknowledge the throb between your legs and resist the urge to finish it on your own. “Sure, baby. What do you want?”

“Since you’re really light… I bet I could, uh, hold you upside down, and, um. Continue this while you, um…”

_Throb._

“YES. Let me down so I get these off.” He does and you quickly shimmy out of the wet boxers, and take off your shirt for good measure. You love having woods for a backyard and no neighbors. _All_ the sexy outside shenanigans.

Once you’re done, Tavros picks you back up. He helps you get your legs around his horns the other way, so that you’re more stable. What would you do without his awesome handlebars? Your thighs squeeze around his head as his arms squeeze around your middle.

It’s easy to undo the buttons on his pants and push them down his legs (pchoooo). Followed by his tighty-whiteys. (Those don’t slide as nice, but down they go.)

His bulge, no longer constrained by the fabric, comes out to play, flopping wetly against your face. You snort and wiggle your tongue at it, trying to convince it to come join the mouth party instead of your ear.

Tavros meanwhile goes back to working your own junk, which doesn’t squirm around nearly as much, lucky boy.

It’s always a surprise when his bulge figures out where it wants to be, but figure it out it does, and you suck on it gently, very aware of how sensitive and delicate it is. Tavros purrs appreciately, vibrating like the world’s biggest sex toy. (Random side thought: look up the world’s biggest sex toy.) You moan around his bulge, mouth too full to talk.

His nook is leaking in earnest now, and you tap his thighs, indicating you want him to spread a bit. You sway as he does, but his horns keep you well in place.

You slide two fingers up into the dark brown folds, wiggling and rocking them back and forth across the slit. His bulge thrashes harder against your tongue, and he has to stop what he’s doing up top to gasp. You hum to yourself, proud, and add a third finger.

His grip around your torso almost hurts now, and his whole body is rattling with his purry growl, and the squeeze of his nook around your fingers is getting so tight you can barely move them.

Tavros licks a long stripe up the middle of your junk, then pushes his tongue in as deep as it’s gonna go, pressing his chin against your clit. You groan as he literally tonguefucks you. His bulge is wrapped around your tongue now, undulating like its another bulge and it all feels so fucking amazing and fuck fuck fu--!!

The world goes white as you come, your back arching, every limb stretching. Unconsciously, you press deeper into his nook and he groans again, the muscles spasming, the beginnings of his orgasm dripping pale brown onto the grass.

You pull out as the genetic fluid begins to drain for real. God, his voice when he comes is fucking awesome, especially when you’re so close to his chest that you can feel it. You open your mouth and let the additional fluid drip out. Bulges don't produce as much as nooks thankfully, but it still doesn't taste that good.

The breeze tickles your overstimulated clit and you shiver. Dopily, Tavros helps you be right-side up, and you watch his bulge start to retract. Your legs are shaky, but you gather up the discarded clothes as he blinks sleepily at you.

“We, never did find your gun,” he points out.

“Eh, fuck it.”

“No, that’s next time.”

You both giggle helplessly as you duck walk back inside and flop onto the bed, Tavros spread eagle on his back and snoring, and you lazy, content, and happy as a kitten in a sunbeam.

-end-


End file.
